apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
