Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
