Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
