my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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