I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
