I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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