There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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