Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
