Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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