Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
