Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
