after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize