It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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