ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
