Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my shit smells like andre
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
