can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
