Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I touched a dick in church today
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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