My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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