Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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