Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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