I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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