where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
