You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize