Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
