I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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