i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
