i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
