Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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