i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Found the puke drawer
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
