i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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