what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
