The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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