Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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