remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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