We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
