I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BRING THE BAGELS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
