Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
