"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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