I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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