I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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