Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
