I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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