The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
