the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
