I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
