i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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