there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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