I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FOUND THE LEGS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
