I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
