Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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