ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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