for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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