just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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