I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize