I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
