I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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