she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
