We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
