I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
