my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
