Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy sore nipples Batman
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
