I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
