I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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