i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
