you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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